I am so disappointed. I really thought this time would be different. I really thought that I could potentially be a winner. I was wrong.
Our area Rotary club sponsored the annual Great Rotary Duck Race this past weekend. And, man, it’s quite a race.
Picture this: 64,000 rubber ducks sportin’ some swanky black shades racing their way down a local river towards a predetermined finish line, each duck marked with a number belonging to the benevolent citizen who purchased him (or her). First duck to cross the finish line wins for their biggest fan a brand new car. Not to mention the second and third place prizes along with a whole slew of additional prizes that weren’t too shabby either.
So this morning, armed with 4 lucky little tickets in my hand, I sat down to peruse the winner’s list.
Freakin’ A.
Yeah, you guessed it. Not a winner. Again. For, like, the umpteenth time.
Have you ever noticed that you’re either the “winner-type” or you’re not? You’ve got to know what I’m talking about here. There are just some people who always win. And it ticks me off.
I used to have this friend that was that lucky type. The one who always won the doorprizes or raffle-drawing. She was the one who was first to get “Bingo” or would always win the free Recipe booklet at Pampered Chef parties. And forget about Holiday Bazaars. That chick has more knitted toilet-paper covers, hot pot pads and sock monkeys than she knows what to do with.
But one time, it was my turn to walk away victorious. We were at a Mary Kay party and the consultant played the “what’s in your purse” game. And you guys, I had this one. I’m absolutely not kidding. I always carry a huge purse because having two small children requires me to carry all kinds of random things (and, well, quite frankly because I figure the bigger the purse is, the smaller my butt looks.)
So, anyway, we’re at this party and the consultant is throwing out all kinds of random things and we’re all frantically searching our purses hoping to win that extra-special tube of discontinued lipgloss.
She yells out, “expired coupons!” Got it!
“Extra pair of socks.” Yup!
“More than 3 tubes of lipstick!” Um, yeah! What, does she think I’m an amateur?
She then starts getting a little desperate and starts asking for things like can-openers. Apparently she underestimated the crowd a little bit or perhaps was attempting to separate the wheat from the chaff.
But I’m not new at this game. Can opener? Got it. Just haven’t had a chance to return it to Bed Bath & Beyond yet. I reveal the can opener, look around with a slight smug expression at my competitors. So sorry, guys. That Pink Passion Lip Gloss has my name written all over it. Very sorry. Maybe next time.
Wait one minute. What is that? You have got to be kidding me. My friend is proudly holding her can opener above her head, explaining, “I was going to take it to work on Monday. Crazy, huh?” Damn.
But I’m not out yet. It’s just me and her. The consultant is going to yell out one more item. Winner takes all.
And then she says…”Makeup compact.”
Crap!!
I literally had taken my compact out of my purse that morning and it was of no surprise to me to see my friend pull her little CoverGirl compact out of her purse. I lose. She wins. Big frickin’ surprise.
The point is…what went wrong in my DNA string that causes me to lose each and every prize-fueled contest I enter? Could it be bad kharma? Maybe my chi is all off-kilter? Maybe I need to start practicing some concepts of “The Secret”, more positive–thinking mumbo jumbo. I can’t figure it out. It just baffles me.
Now, don’t get me wrong here. I know the Powerball, Lottery or even the Great Rotary Duck Races are long shots and, quite frankly, I don’t really expect to actually be a winner. It’s just fun to be a part of the excitement and I’m always a-go for charitable contributions.
But the Mary Kay door prize? I mean, come on. You can bet on one thing though…next party I’m invited to I’ll be throwing both my can opener and my makeup compact into my large purse (and my butt will look smaller which is always a bonus in my book.)
Love to all and a Happy Monday, Mindy
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Brandy
Yah, I won a prize in the Rotary Duck Race once,,,, I was 15 months pregnant with McKenzie, looked like an elephant and I won, are you ready for this?…………the golf package
….I had to go to the golf place to have my picture taken with the brand new golf clubs and the envelope full of free golf games….I dwarfed the bag of golf clubs,,,I think it got lost in the folds of my maternity shirt, it was bad. John totally enjoyed the package but if it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t worth it…now the diamond ring or the shopping sprees I would have claimed with enthusiasm!,,,, hang in there,,,,your chances at that are a whole lot better than the lottery 
Yeah, Wendy, I would probably be the one to win the golf package, a new set of crescent wrenches maybe, a free root canal…you get the picture. And, hey…I bet you rocked those golf pictures in your big ol’ maternity shirt! =)
Mindy
I know what you mean, there are those people who always seem to win and then there’s us. I always think the more I want something the less likely I am to win. I did win a cake walk once. The cake was disgusting.
I love how you write. You have a way with words that makes me laugh and laugh.
Every year at my daughter’s school carnival I participate in that stupid cake walk…and have YET to win. It’s always me and about 6 first graders marching in that circle…pathetic. I think I’m staying out of it this year. =)
And, thank you so much for the compliment! My husband doesn’t think my sarcasm comes off half as funny when it’s directed at him! He appreciates my new outlet. =)
Mindy
I’m one of those sorta lucky people. You know that ones that wins a prize but always a really small one. Like two dollars or a free ticket when I buy scratch offs. Or I’m called in the last 1/4 of the raffle when all the really good shits gone. I guess it’s better then never winning though. My husband says if he didn’t have bad luck, he wouldn’t have any luck at all. =]
♥Spot
Hey, at this point I would love to win anything…tire pressure gauge, pencil, medicine dropper, whatever. I need some proof that the Universe hasn’t permanently aligned against me. =)
Mindy
Ha ha! We have a “Running of the Pinkies” round these parts where 15,000-some Pinky balls are rolled down a hill to a final destination and winner. No we didn’t win either. My husband has that winner gene. I tell him he needs to play Powerball more often. Maybe if we just spend thousands of dollars, it will finally yield our millions we’ve got coming at us.
Yes, I think investing thousands into Powerball is a very smart investment! If only I had thousands… =)
Mindy