Yowza. Did anyone see the October 14th Dr. Phil show? The topic was Stay-at-Home Moms versus Working Moms, aptly named “Guilty Moms”. You can view the video and access show information at Dr. Phil.com. Dr. Phil had brought in women who represented both sides of the fence, a few of which were all fired up to defend their decisions. Now, I typically tend to pass on watching these types of shows because, quite frankly, I hate conflict. You know those people (and, maybe you’re one of them) who gravitate towards “entertainment” which centers itself around physical combat, relationship break-ups, and truth reveals (i.e. you thought you married a woman but I’m really a man)? I am not one of those people. I have an actual physical reaction to the conflict and I cringe at the awkwardness of it all. More often than not I end up turning off the program or changing the channel until all that drama is over. I get so uncomfortable. It’s weird.
To me, most of the time, the Dr. Phil show falls into that category. Nothing against the Doc himself but he has had some conflict-ridden show topics. Therefore, it is not DVR-worthy and does not hold a place in my “scheduled recordings.” Until yesterday. I was cruising through my guide on the TV looking for something to watch while I (guess what…folded laundry) and there I saw it…today on Dr. Phil…are SAHM’s better parents than working mothers?
Whoa, doggie! Now that’s a debate and a half. Against all my good judgment, I watched it. I won’t go into too many details of the show because it wasn’t very riveting and didn’t give me any new insight. However, the unofficial “spokeswoman” for the stay-at-home mom section was totally off-base and I was a little angry that they chose an overly judgmental woman who held such an ugly prejudice against working moms. Through her ignorance she misrepresented all of us non-judgmental SAHM’s. And that ticked me off. It also reminded me how ridiculous this debate actually is.
Having made the decision to stay home full time after Jack was born I obviously mulled over the age-old question, “Would staying home make me a better parent?’ And I can honestly answer that in my case, no. I was an awesome mom before I quit working and I’m still an awesome mom now that I stay home but there have been definite bumps along the road. They were there when I worked. They are there now. The dynamics of my parenting have continually changed out of sheer necessity. Sure, I have more time now for one-on-one interactions with Avery and Jack but often less patience because I spend my entire day with them (however, thanks to Boston and the invention of public schooling in 1635 one is gone from 8a.m.-3p.m) . It’s a balance.
But I really just wanted to post this to tell all you working moms out there…”I ain’t mad at ya.” I know how much you love your kids. I don’t doubt your commitment to parenting. I understand the need to have a life outside of your family. I firmly believe that kids gain a ton of perspective from socializing outside of your home in daycares and preschools. I envy you your grown-up conversations and I bet you don’t have a tendency to furiously hurl dirty diapers out the backdoor after you’ve changed your 5th one that day. In many ways I bet your “normal” is a heck of a lot more normal than mine.
I want it put on record that I am not one of those sanctimonious SAHM’s who claim that working mothers are substandard parents. Heck, I’ve seen plenty of substandard parenting from all kinds of voluntarily non-employed mommies. Idiocy does not discriminate.
I just thought I’d put it out there.
Love to all, Mindy
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Brandy
I’m not judgemental against all working moms, just the ones who consistently put their career ahead of their children. But it’s okay, there are some SAHM’s who are really not qualified for the job either.
I preferred to stay at home but that’s just me. Everyone has to do what works best for them.
♥Spot
Agreed. I completely agree with the comment about women who put their careers ahead of their kids…serial career moms. There is definitely a fine balance in all situations. I prefer to be home but know that if I had to go back to work I would do all in my power to find and enhance the positive side of it. =)
Mindy
I haven’t had to make this choice since we don’t have children yet. Donald and I spend a lot of time talking about it, though. There are so many ways to parent and/or to work. I think everyone has to find their own balance, especially since every child is also different and has varied needs. It’s too bad that Dr. Phil’s show seems to increase conflict rather than promoting understanding that parents just need to do what is best for their children, themselves, and the lifestyle they want to have.
Very well said, Daphne and I wholeheartedly agree! This world is made up of all kinds of different people in different circumstances. To ignorantly suggest that there is only ONE way to raise a child in this ever-changing world is backward and archaic. (Geez, where did that come from?) =)
Mindy
I like to say i am not judgemental on this topic but I totally am. I think moms should stay home. I KNOW there are reasons to work and I UNDERSTAND that not everyone has a choice (though I think more of them do than are willing to admit it) but – well, I think staying home is the best. Not that working make you a bad parent, but I think it’s second best.
But I’m only going to say that on your blog. Not mine.
Hey…you say any ol’ thing you want on this blog! And I completely understand your opinion and agree with you to a certain degree. That being said, I know some pretty awesome moms who do both, raise their kids and work outside the home. It’s definitely a hard call! Thanks for being honest!
Mindy
Great post. I missed the show, thankfully because I would have been a nervous wreck and it would have made me mad.
Lately, many blogs have been ranting about homeschooling vs public school and I know that I can just click off their blog, but people are so JUDGEMENTAL! On both sides. I am doing the best I can as a mom and we have made choices that are best for OUR family. I don’t make people feel superior or inferior for their choices with their children, I think we all need to support each other. Same thing with SAHM vs working moms, not everyone has the choice that I had. Until I have walked a day in their shoes, I am not going to give my opinion on their life choices. Plus, they did not ask my opinion anyway (haha).
Oh, but I do have to say, isn’t it funny that shows like Dr. Phil’s always finds the mom that is the stereotypical everyone else is wrong and I am right SAHM. For the record, I am a homeschool mom with many pairs of Gap jeans, cute shoes and never wear a denim skirt or my hair in a bun. UGH stereotypes.