This one in particular – I *can’t* watch horror movies or anything in the psychological/paranormal thriller genres anymore because then I don’t sleep. And then, the person next to me doesn’t sleep, becaue that person is being asked to get up every ten minutes to check the locks on the doors and windows that I KNOW have spontaneously unlocked themselves as soon as I closed my eyes again. And I really love my husband, I’d like for him to keep loving me, too. I think I would be testing his devotion if I rendered him chronically sleep deprived for the sake of saving me from the axe murderers that – at one o’clock in the morning – I’m convinced have invaded my neighborhood.

But the part about the dog was priceless.