I’ve already detailed my reasons for thanking the Good Lord I was born with a uterus in my post Top 5 Reasons I’m Glad I’m Not a Man but after further research and an in-depth look into my family dynamics I’ve come up with some reasons it might actually be handy to carry the “Y” chromosome.
I’ve always been a “girly-girl” and I’m pretty sure I should hail from the late 19th century given my yearning to be the recipient of old-fashioned male chivalry. I love me a good “yes ma’am” and always appreciate an opened car door…and the occasional duel for my honor. (Okay, so I’ve never been the focus of a “duel for honor” but I did get into a mean childhood fight in the orchard next to my house. Let’s just say I cleaned house. Okay, not really. But I was there.) All in all, I love being a woman. But we all know, birthing children aside, women have a heavy load to haul and typically lack the capacity to let things “roll off our backs”, much unlike our genetic counterparts. After some thought, I’ve come up with five reasons it would be mighty handy to be a man.
1) Urinating while standing. This gift applies to both in and out-of-doors (particularly, the latter). Have you ever noticed that using the privy as a woman is such a chore? There’s the toilet seat to contend with, the requisite disrobing (only magnified if you’re the hose-wearing type), and the almost-never-failing lack of toilet paper at that exact moment that you need it. Using a public restroom? Factor in all of the above along with the fear that you will possibly contract some horrible disease from the publicly-used toilet. Emergency potty stop in the great outdoors? You may not need to worry about a horrible disease but pine needles? A little too close to your hoo-hah? Worrisome. Now, men? Indoors, outdoors, it’s all the same. Open your fly and get the job done.
2) Inherent ability to ignore a mess. It continues to amaze me how easy it is for a man to walk right past a mess on the floor seemingly without noticing anything is amiss. And my husband has an even more amazing ability. Somehow, he not only fails to notice a mess on the floor, he retains an almost superheroic skill of avoiding any contact with said mess by stepping around it. It’s fascinating. Really. I’m jealous.
3) Ability to lose weight. Quickly. Has anyone seen the ‘SlimQuick’ commercial with the cartoon couple trying to lose weight together? The husband shrinks at disgusting rates while the wife fights gaining. As funny as they are, there’s a whole lot of truth to these commercials. And I’m living it. A couple of months ago my hubby walks in, shaking his head, to the living room where I was sweating while Walking Away the Pounds. “What’s up?” I innocently asked, huffing and puffing between knee lifts and side-steps. He says, “That’s funny. I’ve lost 10 pounds. Man, I wasn’t even trying! Weird. I’m hungry. What happened to those ding dongs?” How nice it must be to just randomly step on (my arch-nemesis) the scale and be pleasantly surprised that you’ve lost some weight? First of all, I never randomly step on the scale. It takes a lot of motivational talk and sometimes a couple of martinis to get me to step on the scale. And pleasantly surprised? Not usually.
4) Unabashed eating and snacking. I’ve already addressed the unfair advantage men have over women at losing weight. They also have the advantage of eating without a care in the world. Want a snack? Go have one. Craving a pizza for dinner? Order it up. Now, I don’t know about you, and I may be in the minority here, but I go through some sort of inner struggle each and every time I open my mouth. It doesn’t matter if I’ve consumed one carrot, two glasses of water and a mini-marshmallow as my day’s caloric intake, I still have to struggle with it. (Oh, and I should quickly add here, the above has actually never happened. I always eat at least two carrots. And a Nachos BellGrande.)
5) Lack of an overactive reproductive system. I would never trade in my ability to mother my children. Not even for a private concert with the Thunder from Down Under. Hmm. (Okay, I’m back.) That being said, I might be persuaded to give up all the other crap that goes along with having a uterus. Like PMS, and hormonal breakouts, and bouts of crying at touching commercials. And most importantly that dreaded, God-forsaken, monthly visit from that ol’ ho-bag Aunt Flo. This is a part of life that our men will never be afforded the opportunity to experience. Lucky ducks.
When all is said and done, even despite the above examples, I am still grateful to be a woman. Sure it would be nice to give up some of the extra baggage that comes along with being the fairer sex but at the end of the day, I’d much rather carry balloons on my chest than walnuts in my pants. **wink, wink**
Happy Monday,
Mindy
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Mindy
Ha! I’m the one who walks around the mess at my house. I’ve given up on house cleaning. My husband gets on to me about it too.
As much as I hate all the crap we have to deal with being women, I’m still glad I’m one!
Well, gender roles aren’t very specific, I guess! =) I have to agree though, I’ll take the estrogen over testosterone any day! =)
Mindy
I’ve never actually wanted to be a man. Although those are all good points. Nope, I pretty much love being a woman and would not want to have to deal with the inability to concentrate on anything for longer than five minutes, the utter fear that not having control of the TV remote seems to strike in their hearts, or the inability to dance unless they’ve consumed copious amounts of alcohol and then still I probably would not call that ‘dancing’. Yep, I’d rather be female!!
♥Spot
You’ve made some strong arguments, Spot. Glad to know that my hubby isn’t the only one with focusing issues, a preconceived belief that the remote actually belongs to him and a drunken shuffle he likes to call ‘dancing.’ Chicks rule. =)
Mindy
I wouldn’t mind being without the balloons on my chest, but they can keep the walnuts! LOL!
I guess my hubby hasn’t figured out that he can lose weight, cause he looks like he swallowed a whole watermelon!
I would GLADLY like to be rid of the whole monthly thing, for me it is worthless since I never could have kids anyway.
BUT, I like the control being a woman gives. One look to the hubby and he knows I’m going to get hostile if he don’t get off his butt!
I also really like the control we women have. It really doesn’t take any verbal communication, does it? It’s like our pheromones do all the talking! =)
Mindy
Excellent points! It seems a little unfair but then again. They are men. Blech.
I posted my 100th post today. You have an award because I luuuvs your blog.
xoxoxo
Ah, thanks! I was getting ready to head on over to catch up on blogs today. I’ll check it out. Congrats on your 100th post!! =)
Mindy
I’ll take estrogen over testosterone any day!
Amen to that!! =)
Mindy
Little late to the party here, but I so agree with 4 out of 5 of your reasons! The whole being able to eat what you want and pee where you want thing has always pissed me off! Until 2003, I lamented the whole monthly thing too … until I had a hysterectomy, that is. BEST thing in the world!! I still have a teeny-tiny piece of an ovary, so I still occasionally ovulate. But being rid of Aunt Flo – priceless!
Oh, I almost forgot: what mess? I didn’t see any mess when I stepped over it. Seriously! Kinda like that unmade bed thing.
Yep…these are some pretty unfair differences between the other sex and us.. huh? A few of my friends have had hysterectomies due to fibroids and such…none of them regret losing the uterus!
Oh, and I’ve tried to adopt the bohemian, let it all be messy attitude, and I just can’t do it. I can’t. I’m truly jealous of those who can, though. Your blood pressure’s probably better than mine! =)
Mindy