My hubby, Jer, and I had an interesting conversation this morning. He was attempting to access the necessary ’mental space’ to begin working and I was procrastinating emptying the dishwasher because I hate that particular chore. Jer and I have really mastered the art of postponement, a skillset we’re not all that certain we should be proud of but have embraced it nonetheless.
During our shared procrastination for the inevitable I began venting my frustration surrounding the dishwasher and all it entails.
“I swear, I hate unloading that stinkin’ dishwasher. Give me anything else and I’ll do it gladly. Seriously,” I complained.
“Yeah, I hate it too and it seems like you just unload it and turn right around to have to unload it again,” Jer added.
I looked up at him, narrowing my eyes. “Excuse me?” I asked.
“What?” Jer responded, clearly confused.
As was I.
“You say that as if you unload the dishwasher often,” I said.
“Well, I don’t do it all the time but I’d say I do it at least 25% of the time,” Jer explained.
Okay, this was the point at which I fell to the floor and had to pick myself back up again.
“Wait. I must have misunderstood. Did you just say you unload the dishwasher 25% of the time?” I asked, shaking my head.
“Yes. That’s right,” Jer answered with a nod.
“As in, 1 out of 4 times?” I asked again, for clarification.
“You got it,” Jer said.
Like hell. “You are a big, fat liar, Jeremy.”
“No. I do it all the time,” he demanded.
“Okay, well then. If you have all these mad dishwasher skills, why didn’t you empty this particular clean load last night? Oh, wait. I know why. You and your buddies had to kill some terrorists and mercenaries and stuff, right?”
“No. I mean, yes, I did play Xbox last night but that’s not why I didn’t empty the dishwasher,” he said.
“Ahhh…okay. Well, please do explain.”
“Yeah. I didn’t want to wake you up by clanging dishes all around the place,” Jer answered, clearly proud of himself for coming up with this specific answer.
“You’re telling me you didn’t unload the dishwasher last night and opted to play Modern Warfare instead to preserve my beauty sleep? You did it all for me?” I asked.
“Yes. Yes, I did,” Jer answered, a dawning recognition of his completely unbelievable answer slowly coloring his guilty face.
“Uh huh.”
“Yep,” Jer said.
“Okay, Jer. Since you’re so overly concerned with the quality of my slumber I hereby grant you permission to empty the dishwasher whenever you are so inclined, regardless of the time of day…or night,” I said.
“Alright. Well, that’s good to know for…those nights…where I wasn’t sure…and decided to just play Modern Warfare-”
“And leaving the dishwasher for me to unload the next morning after a…restful…night of sleep,” I finished.
I smiled.
He grimaced.
This man has created his own reality wherein he not only contributes to at least 25% of the daily chores but is also cognitively aware of and sensitive to my need for deep sleep.
Could this be a case of a skewed sense of reality in which Jer actually believes he is this helpful or is it more likely he’s just lying to cover his own butt? You be the judge.
Mindy
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Brandy
I believe men actually BELIEVE it when they say things like this. When they actually DO do the chore, it is so monumental in their minds that they actually believe they HAVE done it lots of times…
I think you may be right! Weird, huh? =)
Mindy
I started training the kids to do it when they were about six. To start off, they just put away the silverware, but we progressed quickly. Anything in a cupboard they couldn’t reach just went on the corresponding counter. I haven’t had to empty the dishwasher in ages.
You lucky, lucky lady. I will be starting this on the pronto. =)
Mindy
Butt covering. Definitely butt covering. But with a dash of cognitive dissonance for kick.
Yep. That’s exactly what I thought. I will be letting him know the consensus is that he’s a big fat liar. =)
Mindy
Clearly Jer is a legend with noble intentions. You should be fanning him with fig leave branches. You lucky chic!
Right now Jason takes care of it himself most of the time and Sydney and I use paper plates atbour house. Lol. Jason does play Eve online. Battles in space. Ha. Those games they play crack me up.
Aren’t those online games hilarious? I tried to warn Jer that the majority of his teammates are probably 13 year old boys up past their bedtime. =)
Mindy
I honestly think he believes what he told you, haha. what really drives me crazy is when my husband announces when he has completed a chore, example “I washed the dishes for you
”….. like I am the only one who benefits from clean dishes. Not sure what would happen if I announced everytime I finished a chore… MEN, lol.
Great job on the blog, love reading it :
Wendy
Oh, that cracks me up! I’m totally going to start announcing it to the house everytime something gets done around here and see what happens. Good idea! =)
Mindy
He probably didn’t unload the dishwasher because he was too busy putting the pillows in correct order on the bed. Ha! You should remind him of that one too. Well, then again, maybe not!
Hahahaha!!! You are right. He obviously has too much on his plate already! =)
Mindy
LMAO!!! OH..MY..GOODNESS!! Please!
Oh yeah, he was just covering his own butt!
I know…right? Pathetic! =)
Mindy
Mindy, I’d say you’re right on the money…sounds like something my hubby would come up with!
Yep, pretty sure I called him out. =)
Mindy
Its the “man” brain. It works differently. Their minds still believe it is the woman’s job but they are doing you a HUGE favor.
Oh, is THAT what it is? I get it now, I think… =)
Mindy
Conversation posts are my absolute favorite…Especially when you get to hear your thoughts related to said conversation…Great post.
Also, I have discovered that if you get a practically full time job for the first time since children your hubs will feel so guilty, he will pick up close to 25% of the housework!
Voice of experience…
Right…but then I actually have to get a job…not sure which would be the lesser of two evils. =)
Mindy
I hate unloading the dishwasher, too.
So tedious.
Isn’t it? Very unsatisfying…unlike vacuuming. Now there’s a job with a pay off. =)
Mindy
Oh hun! He truly believes it. Men. They’re just so dumb. My hubby always makes up an excuse that makes it seem like he was thinking of me too. He’ll say “It’s all about you babe, I was just trying to help a girl out.” Riiiiggggghhhht.
Funny post!
♥Spot
Men. They really don’t get it do they? =)
Mindy
You’ll have to email me with Jer’s screename when he’s playing MW, ’cause he just might be playing against my Son!
Now, about the dishwasher; I don’t know if he’s butt-covering or not, but it sure does sound like it. I wish I had the luxury of emptying a dishwasher. I AM the dishwasher in this house. I HATE washing dishes (prefer to put them away), but when I let either of my guys do it, I end up having to re-do it myself. *sigh*
When my hubby does actually put the dishes away he practically reorganizes my kitchen each and every time. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s too lazy to figure out where things go or he thinks he’s doing me a favor. I’m favoring the first reason. Oh, and I think my hubby’s screen name is The Outdoors. He runs a few different websites and that seems to be his preferred name. =)
Mindy
Doesn’t he know the Golden Rule?! Any of them?
Mindy,
This totally reminds me of one time when your dad said that he did half of the child care when you and Chris were born……..you should have seen the look your mom gave him!
I HATE unloading the dishwasher…..!
Love, Lisa