Santa’s “Naughty” List

Like any good mother I’ve been attempting to bribe my kids with Santa’s potential displeasure for the last three months or so. Christmas time can be a life-saver, for reasons less obvious than Jesus’ birth and all that. Along with celebrating my eternal salvation and what-not, the season also allows me to attempt to reiterate the importance of good behavior to my son who is less inclined to care at any other time of the year.

And trust me, I’ve tried.

January-March: “Jack, you had better watch your attitude buddy. The Easter Bunny is all about good little boys.” “Hmm..I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure the Easter Bunny brings baskets to everybody.”

April-June “Jack…it’s almost 4th of July. You need to be a good boy. Celebrating the Nation’s Independence and all?” “Oh boy! Do we get 4th of July presents?”

July-September: “Oh, man Jack. It’s almost Halloween. You had better…oh, never mind!” <Smile>

And finally, October-December: “Jack! Remember that Santa keeps a naughty or nice list. You better make sure you make it on the nice list.” “Why? What do the naughty kids get.” “I don’t think you want to find out buddy.” “I do.” “No you don’t. Just be nice, okay?” “What if it’s something really fun, like nerf guns?” “Jack..I think you’re missing the point here. Naughty boys don’t get any presents.” Avery: “Mom, I’m pretty sure they do. There’s lots of naughty kids I know that still got presents.” Jack looks at me meaningfully. “Well, if they do it won’t be anything you want.” “I will if it’s nerf guns.” “And what if it’s nothing? What if Santa brings you an empty stocking?” “Hmmm…”

You can practically see the visions of sponge-tipped projectiles dancing in his naughty little head.

Nevertheless, I have several more days to try and scare the bejeesus out of him by planting the seed of doubt.

And Avery is pretty much guaranteed to wake up to stellar gifts. That girl is Aces and Santa knows it.



It’s All Starting to Make Sense…

Since accepting the position as the Head-Lady-In-Charge around these parts I have been forced to realize some truths:

1) Stay-at-home mom = easy access to food pantry and Cheez Its… All. Day. Long.

2) Stay-at-home mom = growing collection of yoga pants.

3) Stay-at-home mom = slight addiction to online shopping.

4) Stay-at-home mom = dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dishes, laundry, vacuuming…

Having accepted these truths should make the reality of my at-home life a little bit easier to grasp but I will say that sometimes even my own steadfast foundation gets rocked.

Take the above picture for instance. To the untrained eye it would appear to simply be a frying pan on top of the stove. But wait! If you look a little bit closer you will notice not one, not two, but three spatulas resting contentedly in the unwashed egg pan. What you can’t see is a kitchen that has already been scrubbed from top to bottom due in large part to a Real Housewives of Atlanta marathon.

So at this point I am staring down a dirty egg pan. Upon further investigation I learn that Jer was hungry and fried himself two eggs. In that pan. With those spatulas. All three. For two eggs.

So, like any good boss I inquire as to the purpose of all three spatulas and why they were waiting for me. To clean. In my already cleaned kitchen.

According to Jer:

One spatula was used to spread cooking oil around the “non stick” pan so as to avoid sticking eggs.

One spatula was supposed to be used to flip said eggs but was determined to be too stiff to effectively do its job.

One spatula was used to effectively flip said eggs.

All three spatulas and the egg pan were left on the cooking surface awaiting a specialized sanitization procedure…otherwise known as “washing the dish.” A procedure in which Jer, apparently has not yet been certified.

It’s all starting to make sense to me.