Humiliation at the Dryer Door

On Wednesday I blogged about my 10 year-old blossoming pride and joy, Avery. In case you missed it, you can read up here. Basically, the gist of the story is that she’s growing up. Rapidly. Gone are the teeny tiny buns, andin their place slightly bigger tiny buns. She’s a burgeoning young lady in a fraction of the body and it makes me a little sick each and every day.

Sharing a home with a fellow female I knew there would be eventual complications such as my favorite lip gloss being jacked from my purse, clouds of my coveted Vera Wang Princess wafting from her room. But I was in no way prepared for what happened yesterday morning.

And now Ifeel compelled to divulge itto you folks. Gah, this is humiliating.

Okay. Let me set the scene.

I get out of the shower and run gracefully (obvi) to my underwear drawer where I am shocked to discover I am lacking a pair to throw on. I mean, I’m neeeever out of clean laundry. Nope. Wouldn’t happen on my watch. No sir-ree. Just ask my hubby. No, wait. Don’t. He gets a little chafed when he’sreminded about the times he has to wear swim trunks as underpants.

Which leads me back to my story.

I’m searching for underwear, unsuccessfully, and remember that there’s a clean load of clothes in the dryer. I hotfoot it out to the laundry room, throw open the dryer door and briskly search for some undies. Finding some I step in one leg hole and attempt to slip my foot in the other when I stop and stare dumbfounded at my feet…and the underpants stretched across my ankles like a rubberband ready to snap.

What the $@#&????

I’m guessing you’re picking up on what happened a whole lot faster than I did. I mean, I just stared. Stared at the debacle formingat my feet.

My daughter’s underpants.


Folks, she’s 10 years old. Which means she has tiny underpants with smiling puppies. And peace signs. And Justice logos.

And I just stood there trying to figure out why my underpants were rebelling against me.Why they wouldn’t slip up like the good people at Hanes had designed them to do. Those tiny little underpants.

Oy vey.

So not only am I delusional and incapable of visually recognizing my own pair of underpants I’mlacking the mental capacity to reason out why a 10 year-olds underpants won’t fit.


Oy vey.

It was an ugly scene. One I’m likely not toforget for some time. I just keep thinking of how frightened those poor little underpants probably were.

Pray for me.



I mean, really… Who said she could grow up?!?

I’m a mother of a 10 year-old girl. Do you know what that means? I can justimagine all the mothers of girls out there raisingcollective sighs to the Universe right now.

My “little” Avery

Ya get me?

She’s a good girl. A really good girl, in fact. But I am starting to get glimpses into what will most definitely be a mind blowing ride through teenage-dom. (Totally a place, by the way. I picture hoards ofself-involved girls obsessively straightening their hair andboys yelling “dude, you suck” back and forth like a ping pong game.)

My baby girl, the fruit of my loins, is growing up sooooo fast. Crazy fast. Too fast. This became glaringly obvious to me on February 14th.

Wait for it.

A boy brought my sweet apple dumplin’ a rose for Valentine’s Day. A boy. With boy brains. And boy hormones. And boy parts.

She’s growing up…

And she loved every blessed minute of experiencing her own Bachelor-moment over chicken strips, mashed potatoes and the fruit of the month, peaches, sitting at the lunch table in front of all her friends.

“Avery, will you accept this rose?” he asks nervously.

“Of course,” she answers tearfully.

Okay, not really. It was more like:

“Here,” he says as he shoves the rose into her face.

“Thanks,” she answers quietly, wishing the table would swallow her and her rose.

But that girl was beaming as she crashed through the front door, rose clutched in her tiny fist and the words, “Mom, ohmagah…” bursting from her lips.

And I died a little.

Gone are the days of “ewww, boys are gross.” Am I ready for it?

Uh, no.

Is it happening anyway?

Most definitely.



Hey Lady! Where’d you go?

You know, when I started this blog forty-hundred years ago I recognized immediately how much I love writing. The subsequent pouring out of blog posts was definitely proof of that. You couldn’t stop me. I was a writing machine. Ideas poured from my soul like lemonade from a pitcher on a sultry summer day. (See? Even with the poetic similes I can’t help myself!) My point here is, I loved it. Couldn’t get enough.

And then, I burned out. I suddenly began to dread what had become such an important part of my day. My creative-thinking hat was off. The ideas weren’t even trickling out. My pitcher was bone-dry. The very minute that writing became a job, so-to-speak, I somewhat quit. Apparently I’m anti-employment, much to dear hub’s chagrin.

No longer feeling the desire to write daily, I started just blogging when I darn well felt like it. Like a rogue. A renegade. A saloon girl. No? Anyway, I’m discovering that I actually miss the commitment of consisitent blogging a bit. Considering that my status as Chief Operating Officer of my house dictates that the majority of my deadlines revolve around soccer practices and double coupon day at Safeway I kind of valued the blog as my escape from the occasionally mundane flow of daily life.

So here I am.

Quick Update:

1) Hubby still works from home.

2) Hubby still occasionally wears pajamas all day.

3) Hubby still pisses me off when he wears pajamas all day.

4) Dear daughter, Avery, is in 4th grade.

5) Dear son, Jack, is in Kindergarten (and they are apparently going to let him stay, yay!)

6) I still stay home and coordinate all the chaos.

7) I still love CheezIts. And Vodka.

I thank you in advance for the warm welcome back, friends. I am excited to get back to writing, reading other blogs, sharing some product reviews with you folks, potentially introducing some vlogs into the mix and most importantly, reconnecting with all of you.


Hanging my head in shame…

Hello friends. Am I still allowed to call you that? Do we need to go through that awkward ‘get to know each other’ phase again?

I have been absent for a very long time. In fact, in blogger’s terms, you could say a lifetime has passed since my last post. Even truer, in Mindy’s terms (that’s me in case you have forgotten), I have grown approximately 7 gray hairs since I have last written and I’m pretty sure there may be a new crow’s foot peeking out the side of my eye. Not lovely.

You may ask where I have been that has caused my hair follicles to deviate from my natural blonde (ahem, okay, blonde with some assistance) and my skin elasticity to turn against me?

Living life, yo. Just living life. And it’s been a bit of a bitch.

Winter wreaked havoc on me and my family. We all succumbed to one illness or another and at one time 3 out of 4 of us were on antibiotics for pneumonia. Most of us got well right away but one of us had a little bit of trouble getting out of the exceedingly uncomfortable sick bed.

I was sick, folks. From the beginning of February through the end of March I battled coughing, snotting, hives, overgrowth of certain healthy fungii, decimation of any beneficial bacteria in my stomach and a one-way ticket into any bathroom within running distance. It was ugly.

For those who like to know the details: I had pneumonia/sinus infection which led to complications from my antibiotic and an apparent penicillin allergy, which led to thrush and an uber-sensitive stomach, which led to C-Diff, a nasty bacteria which took up residence in my body with the intention of slowly killing me. I’m sure of it. But, with the help of some fabulous drugs, an amazing probiotic and some very soft toilet paper I prevailed and at this point in time I can say with certainty that I am almost all better!

Which is good because toilet paper is getting expensive!

Now, enough with all that negative mumbo-jumbo. Life is fabulous again and I’m hoping I can get back to doing some more regular blogging. I’m also running around with the idea of doing some “vlogging”. What do you think? Could you handle a little virtual chit-chat?

I bid adieu for now, friends. Chat with you soon!




Um, hello? Hello? Anyone in this blog? **Crickets**

Whew doggie, has it been quite a long time since I have stepped foot into this beautiful blog o’ mine. If I didn’t know any better I would swear that I had been transported to some alternate universe where time slowed to a fraction of its original because I can’t believe it’s been almost two months since I have posted a little “hello howya doin?”. And trust me, I am not so self important as to testify that I have just simply not had the time to dedicate but, come on, its been TWO months. I’m pretty sure I could have squeaked out an “I’m still here and life’s still crazy.”

So, if anyone is still out there, allow me to first say, “Wow, you are one dedicated muchacha!” And then let me say, “I’m sorry for leaving you hanging so long.”

We have shimmied our way into summertime and I’m sure all of you know what that means…time to find more uses for rum. The kids are running around aimlessly, caught somewhere between extreme overstimulation and mind-numbing boredom. We’ve all already caught sunburns and have finally remembered to slather up in SPF and the beautiful sunshine is doing a great job of highlighting our faded paintjob on the house. That’s just great.

Other than yelling at my kids to “Shut the damn screen door!” and lamenting over my inability to show some Blogging love, we have been all aflutter in your basic summertime activities. There has been some sprinkler action, and some camping action. We have gone boating and have ate some terrific backyard barbecue. We celebrated America’s birthday with a bang ~ literally ~ and participated in our neighborhood’s annual bike parade. All in all, it’s been a pretty good summer and I am looking forward to what is still to come.

I’ll leave you with the following pictures and a promise that I will be back.

Bye for now, friends.

4th of July

My Yankee Doodle Dandy