Last week, I posted a few of the strangest (and some slightly disturbing) keywords searched on Google resulting in random visits to my blog. It has yet to cease to amaze me that 1) not only are people searching for some pretty off-the-wall results, but 2) somehow the ‘brain’ at Google connects them to me.
Now, I’ve been known to key in a few weird search words myself, such as, “toddler poop willful attitude,” or “dog sleeping with husband” which have undoubtedly shown up on someone’s Google Analytics account. But here are a few that landed in my account and left me saying, ‘huh?”
1) Book:Mindy Superhero Fly – Now this one spooks me a little because I’m pretty sure that word of my superheroism has spread and perhaps someone is ‘googling’ me in hopes of extending an invitation to the Justice League. I’m quite certain there is a growing need for my mad skills and lightning speed reflexes. This just might be my time to shine.
2) Calvin and Hobbes Hammering Nails into the Table – Huh? I’m racking my brain here and cannot come up with a single reason someone would be directed to my site with these keywords. I think Google is messing with me. Perhaps they’re anti-Justice League and are trying to throw me off my game. Your little plan won’t work, Google. Or is that even your real name?
3) Glad I’m Not a Man Feminist- Now, what exactly might a man feminist be? A man sympathetic to the feminist movement? A feminist sympathetic to the male movement? A manly feminist? A feminist man? If you’re out there googler, please contact me. I must know your purpose.
4) Mozzarella Sticks Bowel Movement – Whoa, doggie. I’ll have to admit I’ve had a cheese stick or two which succeeded in wreaking havoc on my digestive system. And lucky me, the gurgly tummy tends to flare up at parties. Parties not located at my house. Which leads me to wonder, was this a person frantically looking for some answers? Had their party-driven snack fest resulted in a little extra-curricular time on the commode and this was a panicked search from the iPhone during their 3rd trip to the bathroom? Imagine their major disappointment when they were directed to this post. Hope they got out of there okay.
5) Toga Boobs - Again with the boobs. Now, if I’m to join the Justice League I will have to address this issue. I want, no, I need to be taken for the serious superhero that I am. I will not be reduced to a mere sex symbol. Yes, I have boobs. And, yes, I have worn a toga. But I’m so much more than that. It’s time that people stop focusing on my ladies and start focusing on my gifts. This had better be the last ‘boob’ search I come across.
So, there you have it. Another brief glimpse into the minds of those who have visited my blog, albeit for some it was most likely a short stay. (So sorry cheese-lover.)
Happy Monday,
Mindy
Happy Monday, everyone! I hope you all had an awesome weekend! We had a busy couple of days but sometimes packing your weekend full of plans is just the answer. There’s nothing like a hectic schedule to justify a little Sunday napping. Okay. Who are we kidding here? I never attempt to find justification for my daytime REM. I am Mindy. And I nap.
Another part of my Sunday ritual (besides napping) is to check up on my blog stats. A few months ago my hubby set me up with a Google Analytics account. This is a program that monitors the activity to my blog by providing stats regarding visits, loyalty trending (hello you visitors who abandon me after realizing how neurotic I am) as well as providing information on which states have been represented (I’m talking to you, Wyoming. Why the snub? Is it because I accidentally ran over that little protected tree at Yellowstone? Come on…that was like 13 years ago…time to let it go.)
Another handy dandy little tool that Google Analytics provides is a keyword overview. This tracks google searches that result in directing traffic to my site. I spent a good bit of my morning today shaking my head trying to figure out how these ‘googlers’ found my blog. I spent the other part trying to figure out what would possibly possess someone to search these specific keywords. You’ll see why.
Here are a few of my favorites:
1) “My Amazing Boobs” – Wait, are you telling me that my ladies are so renown that Google has taken it upon itself to direct these booby googlers to my blog? Well, gosh. Thank you, Google. I’m very flattered. I have been working out a little bit lately, chest presses and all that. Glad you’ve taken notice!
2) “Bum Wiped by Mum” – So, here’s my question about this one. Was this person the “bum” or the “mum”? Were they perhaps looking for some information about hygiene? Or maybe they were researching some dope rhymes for their new rap single? Most likely Mum’s having a hard time letting go and the Bum is having personal boundary issues. Sorry I had no information for you here dude. Hope you’re wiping your own soon!
3) “Poop Training Boy in One Day” – Alright, this one is just mean. It’s like the world-at-large is throwing a big old “In Your Face” at me and my pathetic attempts at freeing my son from the shackles that bind him. Or, more like the velcro tabbed diapers that support his pooping habi therefor shackling me. I’m trying, people!
4) “Cowboy Junkie Suburban Housewife” – Sandee…is that you? My BFF knows all about my slightly unhealthy obsession with cowboys. I know I’m not the only one…there’s just something about those chap-wearin’ cow wranglers with their ’free agent’ attitude to make a girl yodel “Yee Haw.” And the addition of ‘Suburban Housewife’ to the search query is certainly apropros…us housewives read a lot of Harlequin Romance.
5) “I Hate Our Mailman” – I’m trying to figure out what would possess someone to google this. Just what, exactly, are they hoping to find? A support group? Some message boards? They felt this burning need to find and relate with other extremely unsatisfied mail recipients? For the record, my mailman and I have been on very pleasant grounds as of late. I’m pretty sure his distaste for his job and all it entails has lessened slightly. He no longer looks like he’s picturing horrible things happening to me while sucking on a pickled egg. Thank God. I was starting to get a little creeped out.
So, there you have it. Almost six months’ worth of baring my soul and it took “My Amazing Boobs” to draw people to this blog. I should have known. It always comes back to the boobs. And the cowboy junkies.
Happy Monday,
Mindy
