I was dreaming of icebergs and eskimos. I had polar bears and penguins nipping at my toes, blankets of snow piling up around me. Longing thoughts of toasty warm fireplaces and sherpa-lined blankets began dancing in my head.
I woke up from my frozen tundra of a dreamscape and immediately reached down to pull my blankets up around me to snuggle in and warm up my quickly forming goosebumps. Much to my dismay my searching fingers came up empty. I looked down at my toes and realized…I could see my toes. Which was very wrong. I shouldn’t be able to actually see my toes. It was becoming increasingly obvious that there were no blankets within a twelve-mile radius of my frozen body.
What the hell.
I stole a glance at my snoring husband and noticed he was in absolute blissful slumber. He had that I’m at peace cast to his face which, at first, made me smile. Until I realized why he was in such a Zen state.
He had all of the blankets wrapped around his body. I could see beads of perspiration forming on the bridge of his nose where I had tiny little icicles forming on parts of my person I’m too much of a lady to discuss in detail. Needless to say, I was extremely uncomfortable and that dude was basking in warmth. Unfortunately for me, this is a daily occurrence in our bedroom which lends a little bit of justification to the following scenario.
Given my tendency towards subtlety, I tapped my hubby on the shoulder and gently said, “WAKE UP JEREMY!”
His eyes flew open, panic registering immediately on his face. “Wh-What’s going on?” he fumbled.
“If you take my friggin’ blankets in the middle of the friggin’ night one more time you will probably find yourself missing some very valuable appendages. Capisce?” He nodded furiously, sensing how serious I actually was in the moment. He unfolded himself from his fifteen blankets and passed a couple my way, my body immediately relaxing from the once impending frostbite.
“Sorry, Mindy,” Jer said. “I’ll quit doing that.”
“Oh, you’ll be sorry dude. Trust that,” I answer, as gracious as always.
He pulled me towards him and snuggled in to warm me up. “You’re funny, Mindy,” he said lightly.
I snorted. “I’m pretty sure John Bobbitt thought Lorena was a real card at one point too, Jer.”
He loosened up a bit on his hold and laughed, albeit nervously. I burrowed in next to him and dozed back to sleep. I have a feeling he laid awake for awhile in fear his sleeping self would betray his promise to keep me covered up.
Yep. He’s real lucky to have me.
Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points says
Do you find yourself clinging to the edge of the bed hoping that maybe gravity is not working as strongly as it sometimes does? Or that you’re shivering in a direction slightly skewed towards the bed because one deep breath is going to unbalance you and land you on the floor?
That’s what happens in my bedroom.
I dont know. I think Frozen LadyBits are probably not as bad as unattached ManBits. Whew!
hahaha!!!! I needed that laugh this early in the morning. I usually just grad the covers and pull. If hubby falls out of the bed, then it’s his own fault. 😀
Oh, Mindy, you crack me up! I’ll bet Jer didn’t sleep as peacefully as you for the remainder of the night, but hey that’s what happens to blanket thieves!!!!
I’m telling you Min, when Jody and I decided to have seperate blankets it was pure BLISS!!! I know it seems a little weird but oh the peaceful sleep!!! AHH!!!
I solved this problem. Bob is always cold – I am always hot. He snores. I wiggle. We found that sleeping in separate beds really helps. We still love each other, We still…you know. We just choose to sleep rather than not get any rest by trying to sleep in the same bed.
Angelia Sims Hardy says
Hahaha! You are too funny. I hope someone has talked to Jeremy and seen him since that night. They have, right?!?!?