Happy impending Turkey Day friends!
I can hardly believe this holiday is upon us once again and that it’s already been 365 days since the last time I made myself sick with StoveTop stuffing and drank about 32 too many mimosas while watching my kids sit on the couch wondering who invented the lame holiday where we don’t exchange gifts.
And I couldn’t wait to do it again this year!
So I created a little checklist to ensure that all of my hosting duties were covered as efficiently as possible:
1) Put turkey in the fridge to defrost. Poke at turkey approximately 28 times an hour to see if it has defrosted.
2) Look up proper turkey defrosting techniques on the Inter-Web. Poke at turkey again.
3) Get wine out of fridge and check turkey again since Fridge is open anyway.
1) Pull silverware box out of pantry and check for tarnish. Stare at tarnished silverware and decide if want to commit to shining it up. Close box and pretend tarnish doesn’t exist.
2) Bring out “company” fancy plates and prepare to wash. Leave in box because too lazy to wash.
3) Poke turkey. Damn. Still frozen.
4) Find festive napkins and dessert paper plates stored in closet. Stare at “company” fancy plates and wish had purchased “company” paper plates.
5) Open silverware box and grimace. Yep, still tarnished.
6) Poke at the freaking frozen turkey.
7) Stare at “company” fancy plates and wonder if could skip washing because 365 days in box would kill off potentially hazardous pathogens.
8) Open wine and promptly forget about steps 1 through 7.
1) Open fridge door and stare at what appears to be a frozen turkey.
2) Google “frozen turkey” and panic at thought of soaking a raw bird in sink. Google “is salmonella airborne?”
3) Open silverware box and commit to polishing. Find Jersey Shore reruns on Hulu and thank God for tanned Guidos to break up the monotony of polishing knives. And forks. And spoons. And bigger spoons. And salad forks. And slotted spoons. I mean, who uses all of this stuff?
4) Pull out “company” fancy plates and decide washing before dinner a solid (and safer) plan. For husband.
5) Decide “frozen turkey” problem really not a big deal. For husband.
6) Open wine and pat self on back for all the hard work at polishing that silver.
1) Switch to mimosas because it’s a tradition. And because all the wine in house is gone. (See Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.)
2) Eat without guilt. (I mean, turkey, stuffing, gravy, potatoes…amirite?)
3) Enjoy Thanksgiving 2014 with loved ones.
I would love to wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving full of family, friends, fun and food. Take a moment to look at your life and really take in your blessings and with gratitude, be thankful.
“Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.” Henry Van Dyke
I hope it all turned out great! And after several mimosas, who cares if the turkey is frozen?
Yes, after about two gallons of champagne, I forgot we even had turkey. 🙂
Your Mom says
See, your problem is, you should have opened the wine on Monday!
Already on my checklist for Thanksgiving 2015. 🙂