I was watching a shopping channel on TV this morning and the host mentioned that there are only 21 shopping days left until Christmas! Please do not focus on the fact that it was a shopping channel that provided this valuable information. So, I occasionally partake of a little TV commerce. What’s the problem?Sure, there are other more educational shows I could be watching while cleaning the kitchen like “Dr. Phil” or “Cake Boss” but I am a bonefide skincare/makeup junkie and enjoy watching beauty-themed shows. There, I said it.
My strange television viewing habits aside, do you comprehend what I am saying? Twenty-one days left until Christmas. What?!?!? Where in the heck did the Fall go? I swear it was just a couple of weeks ago that I was noticing my bikini sunbathing days were coming to an end. (Okay, so it was bermuda shorts and a turtleneck, but you get the picture.) And now they’re giving us the “only 21 days left to get your shopping done” with the undertone of “you’re totally never going to get everything ready.”
You know, I don’t need this kind of stress. I’m the type of person who hoards gifts in my bedroom closet all year long because I hate the idea of not having enough time. I have nightmares over people opening empty boxes and then looking at me like, “you are a pathetic excuse for a gift-giver.” Ilike to know that I am 100% ready for the upcoming holidays with not a thing left to do but overindulge in food and drink. Admittedly not a great planbut one I purpose to uphold…every year.
So, after hearingthe dreaded news, I decided to make a list of everything I’ve already bought so that I can better organize for the time I have left. Only 21 days. Seriously. QVC said it. Sensing a panic attack in the making I told myself, “Self, you know you already have a handle on everything. You’ve been shopping all year longand probably only have a few odds and ends to worry about.” I approached the closet with sudden satisfaction that I am undoubtedly already covered. No worries. I even gave myself a little pat on the back (actually shoulder, because last time I tried to pat myself on the back I was laid up with a pulled muscle for two weeks. Sexy.)
I started pulling out bags and boxes, ready to take inventory for the plethora of gift-giving opportunities already efficiently organized in my closet. Okay, not so much organized as shoved intighter thana duck’s behind. I’veessentially built a barricade up against Jer’s part ofthe closet. And he really loves that, let me tell you! Jer’s been wearing the same 3shirts for the past monthsince he can’t access about 4/5’s of his clothes.Why not my side of the closet, you may ask? Because things would get pretty ugly if I was the one unable to access my clothes. Trust me. It’s better this way.
Once I moved everything out of the closet I got inside the bags and boxes, pen in hand and ready to makemy list.
Where’d the “plethora” go? I mean, I got nothing. Sure, I’ve got most of the obvious gifts covered. The ones my kids have been clamoring for all these months since toy companies have been advertising. But, that’s it. The easy stuff. Where’sthe “difficult to buy for” stash? Where’s the “just in case someone brings me something” pile?
Stress…welcome in and enjoy your stay. Introduce yourself to Bloating andPimples. Please feel free to visit the complimentary mini-bar and partake of some festive food and drink. There’s plenty to goaround!