Why, oh why, do I continue to watch televison shows focused on paranormal activity? It’s outright stupid, I tell you. I vowed, after my last bout of paranoid fear, that I would never watch one of these programs again.
And then I got all cheeky and decided that I would not let my fears overtake me. I would “wo-man up” and face my terror. I would get stronger by confronting the thing that scares me the most and conquering it (no, notthe thought of me attending my 20th high school reunionin a bikini…although that runs a close second). I’m talking about my fear and fascination with the paranormal. (Wait, now that I think about it, a scantily clad high school reunion definitely takes first place in my utmost fear category.) But, I digress.
I recentlynoticed that “Paranormal State” and its sister-show “Psychic Kids” were returning for a new seasonon A&E. My immediate thought was that, no, I would not be watching again. And I stuck to that decisionwith a resoluteness and underlying willpower completely uncharacteristic of me, until I checked my DVR recordings and noticed that they had already recorded! And, like a moth to a flame,in a move much more characteristic of me and my utter lack of willpower, I clicked ‘play’ on the remote control and settled into a new season.
Admittedly, I was a little creeped out after having watched both shows. And even worse than that, I realized thatwhile I was glued to the boob tube, it got dark outside. And everyone knows that all kinds of spooky stuff happens in the dark. Like ghosty stuff. And creepy stuff. And paranoid conversations such as:
Me: Jer, I swear I keep feeling a cold chill. Like, up my back. They said on that show when you have cold shivers it’s probably a ghost…or a spirit.
Jer: First of all, what’s the difference?
Me: Um, well, I think a spirit is nicer. Or, maybe it’s the ghost that’s nicer. But, anyway, that doesn’t matter. The point is, a cold spot could potentially mean there’s a ghost/spirit crossing your path. Creepy.
Jer: Right. Okay,a ghost.Or possibly a breeze from the window you opened behind you when you told me to stop touching you becauseit was “freakin’ hot in here.”
Me: Oh. I forgot about that window. Right. But, get this. I’m also feeling like someone’s watching me. It’s like me watching that show has opened up a portal or something.
Jer: Okay. Or it could be Lewis sitting outside the sliding glass door shooting daggers at the back of your head because you forgot to let him back in.
Me: Dangit! Sorry, Lew. You’re right. Why am I being so paranoid? It’s stupid. OH MY GOD!!! Jer, I swear I just heard my name. Oh, my God. Someone just said my name! I’m not kidding.
Jer (with what appears to be pity smothered all over his face): Yeah, that would be your daughter. Remember? She’s in the shower.
See what I mean? I’m losing my mind. And it’s all because of these ridiculous paranormal shows putting freaky thoughts into my already over-excitable imagination.
Rest assured that tonight I will be sleeping with my bedside lamp on high. I will also require Jer tolay on top of me creating a “human shield” potentially sacrificing himselfto any unwelcome nighttime visitors while saving me in the process. We both know that the kids need me. I mean, who would remember Avery’s orthodontic appointments and Jack’s obsession with S’mores Poptarts?
So,my paranormal paranoia is back with a vengeance. Is my new nighttime routine pathetic? You betcha. Is it necessary for attaining a decent amount of shut-eye? God, yes.
Say your prayers, Mindy
I guess I would have to be in Jer’s camp on this one. I do not believe in paranormal activity one tiny bit. It’s all witch doctor stuff – people trying to make us feel afraid so they can feel more powerful. Check out this site – this guy has been offering $1 million to anyone who can prove paranormal activity. So far his money is safe.
I think we have more to fear from the crazy, living people than any of the dead ones! I was trying to be reassuring in this comment and I think I just messed that up. 😉
Nope…I wholeheartedly agree with you about the crazy, living people! Having worked for a defense attorney in my past I came face to face with a lot of those people and let me tell you…I’d take meeting up with the ghost in a dark alley any day. =)
What is wrong with you? That would be like having somebody put worms in your mouth just for the heck of it. Delete your timer and live peacefully. I promise it won’t hurt a bit.
Yep. I’m totally going to do that. Maybe. =)
I wish you could send me dvr’d stuff. Haha. Really? Those shows don’t scare me. I think Paranormal State is pretty hokey. But I do love some GhostHunters! Now when they get something they can’t explain, that’s scary. And based on my own experiences, I have to respectfully disagree with Marley.
As for scaring yourself, you don’t love that deliciously spooked out feeling?! Must be some genetic thing. My sister has it too. Haha. And my grandma used to say that when you shiver or get a chill a goose walked over your grave.
Yep, I’m a certifiable chicken-butt. I’d love, love, love for that to change. Thus the reason I continue to watch those stinkin’ shoes. Emmersion therapy. It’s not working. =)
Girl, you need to stop watching those shows! Your imagination is way too strong already!
Jer sleep on top of you as a human shield! Jer might forget the real reason why he’s on top of you.
Oh, trust me. He forgets. =)
OMG I am so laughing out loud right now!!! dang girl you crack me up!!!!
HA HA! I agree with Spot. Watch Ghost Hunters. They debunk a lot of paranormal stuff and if they do think it’s a ghost. It’s usually a friendly ghost which is nice. Like a new friend or something. 🙂
We saw some show late Christmas Eve night about guys locking themselves up in the dark in an old insane assylum that had 10,000 deaths or something God-awful. Thank GOD I fell asleep watching it and didn’t see all the “mean” spirits, screaming, “DIE!”. Yikes!
Yep…that’s what I need. All the debunking. Ew. That sounds kind or sleezy. =)
Were you secretly watching this show when we were little girls and that’s why we had to have a spotlight for a night light?
Nope…I’m pretty sure it was Scooby Doo which got me started. =)
LMAO! Was it pity all over his face, or was he trying his hardest to not bust a gut laughing at you? 😉 I LOVE watching anything scary, but I’m terrified of the dark. Go figure! I don’t believe in ghosts, but I do believe in energy that doesn’t dissipate (energy never ends, it just goes somewhere else … best explanation I can give in such a short reply). Bumps in the night terrify me, though, ’cause I’m always afraid someone has broken into the house. I have, however, had some very odd experiences (one is written about in my blog archives from 2007 I think, if you want to read about it).
I’ll head on over and check it out. Oh, and trust me, I’m wholeheartedly scared of burglers and stuff, too. =)
When I was younger I was afraid of my own shadow but I have always been interested in this subject. The more you watch, the less scary it becomes. I promise. These shows try to come off as “serious” but they are tweaked to scare us. I have been on many ghost hunts and still dont know what I believe but I try to think of them as people. It helps but you could still leave the light on! I work with a ghost, I am pretty sure. I will have to blog it one day.
You of all people Christina would probably know what you’re talking about! I can’t imagine going on a Ghost Hunt…I’d be the paranoid person they gear them towards! But you’re right, fear gets you nowhere. =)
PS – Definitely blog your real life ghost story.
Spotted your blog at thepioneerwoman.com. Clicked the link, read a few entries, laughed a lot.
This one in particular – I *can’t* watch horror movies or anything in the psychological/paranormal thriller genres anymore because then I don’t sleep. And then, the person next to me doesn’t sleep, becaue that person is being asked to get up every ten minutes to check the locks on the doors and windows that I KNOW have spontaneously unlocked themselves as soon as I closed my eyes again. And I really love my husband, I’d like for him to keep loving me, too. I think I would be testing his devotion if I rendered him chronically sleep deprived for the sake of saving me from the axe murderers that – at one o’clock in the morning – I’m convinced have invaded my neighborhood.
But the part about the dog was priceless. 🙂
Sounds like you and I understand each other. I’m utterly convinced that people are trying to invade my house at all hours of the night. And my husband, God bless him, is extremely patient. He also has the frustrating ability to fall asleep at the drop of a hat while I lay there contemplating ways to cause him bodily harm. I don’t feel too bad. =)
Thanks for the comment!