You guys, I can’t feel my fingertips. I could commit a rash of different crimes and never be implicated. You want to know why? Because I literally glued my fingers together the other day attempting to apply press-on nails. Yup. Glued. Together. I apparently didn’t take the “5-second rule” seriously enough. When they say that the glue will adhere in a short amount of time, they…absolutely…mean it. And why did I put myself through the discomfort of pulling my glued fingertips apart? For beauty.
Do you ever make sacrifices for beauty? Aside from a fake manicure, I have done many other things to myself in the name of beauty.
I have ripped hairs out of my face with hot, bubbly, dripping wax. And, if you have ever attempted at-home facial waxing then you know it never pulls all of the hair out at once. After your facial muscles are done recoiling from the horrendous pain inflicted upon them, they are then assaulted again with the goal of relieving your face of any and all unnecessary hair. You then spend the next hour looking like someone applied pink blush to your eyebrows and upper lip and then pinched them repeatedly. Lovely. Gawd.
I have applied white strips, gel, and paste to my teeth trying to achieve that “super model gleam” and then spent the following 4 days wincing in pain at the sheer sensitivity of it all.Oh, and the adveristing gurus who came up with the bright idea to pitch the “no one will even know that you’re whitening your teeth” schpiel are liars. Just ask the Schwan’s driver who couldn’t quit staring at my mouth while I was attemping to order some Bomb Pops. Classy.
I have wielded a razor to my legs, underarms and bikini line on a daily basis scraping hair off with 4 slightly sharp but mostly dull blades. Can anyone say razor burn? ”˜Nuff said.
And you know what men do? They wake up, maybe wash their faces if there is some remnant of last night’s dinner smeared on there, run an electric shaver across their jaw, brush their teeth, run a hand through their hair and call it good.
So, why do we do it?
I know why I do. Because my day seems toflow a littlebetter when I have freshly shaved legs, no moustache and whiter teeth. The press-on nails? I can do without them. I need my fingertips.
Love to all, Mindy