Well, did you survive the holiday? Are you still knee-deep in a tryptophan-induced coma? Are you leaking pumpkin from your pores? Oh…is that just me? How embarassing.
We had a wonderful Thanskgiving this year withturkey a’plenty and all the fixin’s. But even more important than that was the fellowship between family and friends. Oh, and the sweet potato bake. That was pretty important. Wait. I can’t forget my sister’s homemade rolls. Very important. Okay, so there were lots of important things now forcing me to spend some one-on-one time with Richard Simmons this next week.
So, now that all the hubub of Thanskgiving preparedness is over it is now time for Black Friday. It is now time to spend way more money than I was ever planning to because the crap’s on sale. “Oh, my God. They have 400-count packs of Pez dispensers on sale. It’s a value pack. We always need Pez dispensers.” Or, “Hold the phone, people! They have a special edition Jon Bon Jovi wall clock. And it’s on sale. Well, I’m picking that up.’
My sisters and I have alway shopped Black Friday but have never been those nutjobs lined up outside the Walmart at 2:00a.m.
Okay, so it’s not Walmart and it’s not 2:00a.m. But it is Toys ‘r Us, and it is Midnight. That’s right. You heard me. MIDNIGHT. I’m that nutjob. And to be honest, I don’t even know why we’re heading out for that super-duper early bird sale.
People get crazy at these doorbuster moments. A few years back my sister-in-law and I joined a hoard of men standing outside ahome improvement store to pick up some super cheap items for the hubbies. As the doors rolledopen themass moved through the opening and with each inch we progressed the more hysterical people got.Icould hear some of these men audibly giggling at the sight of yellow signs withslashed-through prices and bins full of dollar tools.One man, andI usethe term loosely, apparently thought that Iwas taking a teensy bit too much time and rammed his cart into the back of my heels. Now, what the poor soul didn’t realize because he was standing behind me was that I was about 6 months pregnant atthe time, and if you had readyesterday’s post you will already know that I was notthe most emotionally stablepregnant chick. I gave the fool the benefit of the doubt by believing that he “accidentally” ran into me the first time. I was wrong. He pushed that cart into my ankles again and surrounded by agaggle of hyper men I turned around, faced the fool and proceeded to kick the front of his cart so hard thathis “weapon” backfired and knocked him in his own shins. I gave him a look that said, “Touch me with that damn cart again, moron, and your shins won’t be the only body partbruised.”Oddly,after turning a corner I never saw the man again.I thought I saw him standing with a security guard but I can’t be sure.
So, I am heading out to Toys ‘r Us, a veteran ofBlack Friday brutality, armed forlunacy. Wish me luck. Moreover, wish some luck on the poor fool who gets a little antsy with his shopping cart. I’m wearing my heavy-duty boots.